


The Gargoyle Incident

by TheFalconWarrior



Series: Life is a Rollercoaster (A Big, Twisty One) [4]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: And Full of Gargoyles, Barbara Gordon is Oracle, Batfam (+ Roy) Assembled, Bruce Hates Magic, Cassandra Cain is Black Bat, Gen, Gotham is Nuts, Jason Hates Magic, No One Understands Magic, Roy Harper is Red Arrow, Stephanie Brown is Batgirl, The Things Jason Does for This Family, everyone is adopted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-07 17:40:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19474111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFalconWarrior/pseuds/TheFalconWarrior
Summary: Everyone knows Batman hates magic. After the Gargoyle Incident (AKA The Time Red Hood Visited Canada), Jason tends to agree with him.





	The Gargoyle Incident

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt #4: Spell.  
> I originally got stuck on this one. My first idea was a "5 Times a Spell Went Wrong (And 1 Time it Finally Went Right), but this happened instead. I think I like it. Enjoy.  
> PS - Are any actual Batfam villains magicians?

“ _You’re late,"_ Red Robin greeted in Red Hood’s ear as he jumped off his bike, Red Arrow screeching to a halt behind him. 

“Well, hello to you too,” he grumbled, surveying the scene. “You kinda caught me at a bad time.” 

“Yep, getting your beauty sleep, seriously important stuff,” Red Arrow snickered, hopping off his bike and grabbing his bow. 

“Shut up, Arrow,” Red Hood snapped a little distractedly as he tracked a giant flying mound of stone. 

“ _What is he doing here_ ,” a deep voice rasped, and Red Hood snorted. Everyone knew the rule—no metas (or Roy Harper) in Gotham. 

(He kinda wondered how effective the rule had ever been—he was willing to bet that Dick and Tim had snuck in their half-fish, goddess-clone, alien-clone and actual-meta (and Roy Harper) besties in to hang out many, _many_ times over the years.) 

“He tagged along,” Red Hood offered. 

“ _Just drop it, B,”_ Oracle ordered. Red Hood could hear keys tapping. “ _Another member to the team never hurts. I’ve got you connected to the main line, Red Arrow.”_

“ _Hey Red, thanks for coming!_ ” another voice yelled, and Red Hood just knew his older brother was currently freefalling off a building somewhere. 

“Hey ‘Wing,” Red Arrow greeted. 

“Jesus, y’all really weren’t kidding,” Jason finally muttered, watching as a stone gargoyle flapped its wings, soaring past the alleyway. 

“ _Nope_ ,” Red Robin confirmed almost cheerfully. 

“ _Tt.”_ Looked like Robin was finally making his presence known. “ _Are all of you completely incapable of taking this situation seriously?”_

_“_ Is _pretty funny,”_ Black Bat pointed out, and Batgirl chimed in. 

“ _You got that right, sister!”_

Arrow glanced at him sideways. _“_ Just another day in Gotham?” 

Hood shrugged. “Not really, no.” 

“ _We don’t usually see a lot of magic around here,”_ Nightwing explained. “ _Oracle, you manage to reach anyone yet?”_

_“Just got in touch with Zatanna. ETA about twenty minutes.”_

_“_ Game plan?” Hood questioned. 

“ _Red Robin, Black Bat and Batgirl are hunting down the magician. Batman, Nightwing and Robin—and now you two, Hood and Arrow—you're stopping the gargoyles from smashing Wayne Tower. Hopefully Zatanna will be able to help us if we can’t get the magician to reverse the spell.”_

_“_ Who’d Wayne piss off this time?” Red Hood grinned, unholstering his guns and jumping out into the street. 

“ _Focus, Hood_ ,” Batman grunted. Jason just laughed. 

*** 

“Robin! _What the_ HELL _was that?!”_

_“Language, Arrow!”_ Oracle sing-songed over the communicators, and Red Hood snorted. 

“Yeah, Red, watch how you’re talkin’,” he threw in. “That’s my _brother_ you’re cursin’ at.” 

“ _Yeah? Well your_ brother _about dumped a_ five ton stone monster _on my_ head _!”_

Hood blinked. Hunh. Number four was _really_ not a team player. 

No way was _he_ gonna deal with the kid, though. 

“He’s adopted?” he offered, and Robin was immediately screeching in his ear. 

“ _I am not_ adopted _, you imbecile!_ You are _!”_

_“_ Well sh-oot, you’re right." Nightwing snorted, and Hood could hear muffled laughter he was pretty sure was Red Robin, but could also be Black Bat (most likely both). At that moment another gargoyle zeroed in on him, swooping down with shocking precision for such a bulky stone...creature? 

“Frank?” 

“ _Did you just say_ Frank _?”_ Red Arrow asked, incredulous. 

“ _Are you talking to a gargoyle?”_ Nightwing sounded amused. Jason ignored him, kinda regretting the outburst. 

“Shut up,” he muttered, securing a line and jumping off the rooftop, _away_ from the gargoyle. His gargoyle. Frank. He was kind of glad the only person he’d ever told about a gargoyle being his childhood best friend was Artemis. And she wasn’t here. 

“ _Is that your favorite gargoyle.”_ Or not. Crap. He’d forgot about the big guy. 

“ _Favorite gargoyle_ ,” Red Arrow choked out. 

“ _Tt._ You _would have a 'favorite' of these tasteless things.”_

_“_ Could all of ya just shut up,” Jason snapped, but then Frank was diving at him. Again. Unfortunately, dodging and trying to get the thing to take a swan dive into the pavement felt more important than a good comeback. 

“ _That indicates--”_ and damn it all, Frank or no Frank, Red Hood was gonna cut off the smug demon brat but someone else beat him to it. 

_“Hate to break the fascinating conversation, people, but think we can get back on track?”_ Oracle was definitely amused. 

“ _Red Robin to the A-team. Magician just went poof.”_

_“Details?”_ No one blinked at the 'poof'. Knowing the world they lived in it was possibly literal. 

“ _Spell of some kind. He just disappeared.”_

_“Poof,”_ Batgirl agreed. 

“ _No trace on the magician?”_

_“We’ve got nothing.”_

_“Zatanna’s giving an ETA of five minutes.”_

_“We hold the gargoyles until she gets here,”_ Batman ordered. “ _Red Robin, Black Bat, Batgirl, head back to Wayne Tower.”_

_“On our way,”_ piped up Batgirl. 

“ _Already there,”_ Red Robin announced smugly. Jason spared a glance for the bright red speck that had just tipped a resting gargoyle off a rooftop. 

_“Five o’clock, Red,”_ called Nightwing. 

“ _Which one?”_ Red Robin asked. 

“ _Hood!”_ Nightwing yelled, panicky, and Red Hood ducked, sharp stone teeth grazing his shoulder. A dark shape flipped down from God knows where, springing off the gargoyle’s wing and sending it off balance so it careened away from Red Hood. 

“Why the heck are y’all Red?” Jason huffed, straightening. “There are other damn colors beyond red, people. Just look at ‘Wingster here. Blue. Not red. Not black. Oh, you ever heard of green? Green is nice.” 

_“Green costumes are stupid,”_ Roy declared. There was a grunt of agreement, followed by laughter from Nightwing. 

“ _Did you just agree with_ Red Arrow?” 

A very different grunt. Red Hood shook his head. It was just a sad fact of his life that he could differentiate a grumpy guy’s grunts. “ _Focus.”_ But the comm line was choked with laughter anyways. 

*** 

Red Hood figured that the whole distraction thing was pretty much a success. The gargoyles had, at some moment he couldn’t exactly pinpoint, shown some semblance of intelligence (them or the magician, he wasn’t sure) and started diving after the vigilantes that had been hopping around them rather than the tower. 

Likewise, the vigilantes had decided _the hell with property damage_ and remorselessly knocked gargoyles off buildings, into the street, and chipped at them with batarangs and arrows and whatnot else. 

But, he reflected, getting bashed and scraped and scratched by big rocks was really starting to feel like a drain. And it hadn’t even been half an hour yet. 

He had to admit to himself that he was glad when Zatanna finally showed up—making a flashy entrance as usual. Sparks and whatnot. He was too busy dodging Frank again. 

_Why, Frank?_

_"You’re on the line, Zatanna,”_ said Oracle. 

“ _Looks like a simple animation spell,”_ the magician noted. Frank finally took that nosedive towards the sidewalk, and Jason turned to see Zatanna standing on a balcony just a few feet away from the corner of the building he was standing on, muttering under her breath and waving her hands. “ _I've got this.”_

_“Keep the gargoyles away from Zatanna,”_ said Nightwing. 

“We ain’t stupid, ‘Wing!” Jason yelled as a dark shape zoomed in on Zatanna, who was intensely concentrated on some kind of light forming between her hands. “Damn it.” He took aim with a batarang— _aim for the wing—_ but was thrown off when the gargoyle zoomed past her. 

_You have got to be kidding me, Frank._

_“Damn_ it!” 

The gargoyle hit him at the same moment that Zatanna realized someone nearby was in trouble, letting out a startled “Raeppasid!” 

He had no idea how to describe it. One moment he was a couple thousand feet above the ground, the Gotham night sky dark gray-blue above him, stone gargoyles flying everywhere and too many noisy voices chattering in his ear. And then he blinked and was weightless for a millisecond and when he opened his eyes again it was not-quite-dark but the lights were too-bright magenta and violet and there were _still_ too many voices in his ear but there was a loud _rumbling_ around him too. 

And then he and Frank crashed into _freezing cold water_. 

Acting on instinct, he immediately pushed off the gargoyle and struck out for the surface. As soon as his head popped out from the water he took in a deep, greedy breath of cold air. 

Enormous waterfalls on either side of him, the violet light slowly transforming into deep blue. A large ship ahead of him. He recognized it. _Oh--_

" _Hood!”_ he tuned back in to the voices in his ear and managed to gasp out, 

“Do _all the things you disappear_ end up in Niagara Falls?!” 

*** 

Bruce offered to send a jet. 

“Heck, no, I’m taking a vacation,” Jason said. “I deserve one after tonight, damn it.” 

He leaned against the stone wall overlooking the falls. No sign of any big stone gargoyles, and apparently Zatanna had finally gotten the spell to work. Idly, he wondered if they would be frozen in their original positions (so yeah, so what if he spent a lot of time as a kid studying the gargoyles around Gotham? They were fascinatingly ugly and stakeouts were damn boring.) 

_Goodbye, Frank._

The case was far from closed—there was still a magician to track down, answers to find on who the heck and how the heck and why the heck and maybe even still _what the heck_ , but Jason was gonna sit back and do _none_ of it. 

Magic. Gah. 


End file.
